When I had little but thought that I had much, I gave more and was happy.
Now that I realize I actually have but little, I guard what I have miserly and hate the feeling.
God why won’t you then give me more, that I will give more and be happy?

American reunion was very apt in the facebook part. Maybe I’m lying to everyone including myself. Why do they keep seeing you but I don’t.

i heard your name in the wind

I Thought I Saw Your Face Today - She & Him LYRICS (by JackieNURD)

This year has to be over soon!

Phoo.. I just marched over to the canal to shout “shut the fuck up! This ain’t fuckin China! People need to sleep man! Shut the fuck up!” to a China couple making a scene of their squabble opposite my bedroom. They were so stunned they quietly crept away. Feel so man now. Hooray for me! Champion of the neighborhood!

God… I know that there are more serious things going on in the world, and I shouldn’t be bothered over such a trivial thing. But why does the toughest personal struggle have to happen during the potentially best time of my life right now?? I just simply wish it to be over soon. God You have qt effectively kept me down.

These months following my return from oz has been the most trying. I came back, but I never really did. It is very obvious, especially to myself, that something inside me had changed. Three months wasn’t long, and I don’t claim that I’ll definitely be happier there. But that was an escape you see. And I keep wishing to go back to one, two years back. How could I not have realized what I had? I want that now, who I was then. I want to be the Matthew of 2009 and 2010. I pray God that moving forward, I will become a Matthew better than ever before.

What do You want of me Lord, where do You want me to serve You? I am so tired of chasing my own will and meeting dead ends. You know what, do what you want, just lead, just lead, I’m so jaded I’m fine with anything.